how you spend your days is how you spend your life

I'm still chewing on, stewing over this book Women Food and God. It seems so simple intellectually, but applying the concepts in my life is testing me so deeply.

This quote, "how you spend your days is how you spend your life" made its way onto the white board in my living room last night. It makes me pause every time it passes through my field of vision. It seems that my every day is dominated by food or thoughts of food. I often think about what I will "allow" myself to eat and at what time. I'm constantly running mental calculations in my head about how many calories items have and mentally preparing myself for the struggle to go to the gym every night.

Essentially, I spend my days preoccupied, worried about food and exercising. I've absorbed countless ideas about how many vegetables I should be eating, how many snacks I should be eating, how many calories I should be burning on steady state cardio versus weights. It's a huge, giant misery to me.

If this is my everyday, then this is my life. That makes me sad. Very sad.

If I could describe my perfect day, this would be it:
-Wake up after getting a full eight hours of sleep
-Drink coffee and check email, prepare to do list for the day
-Walk my dog!
-Work
-Lunch with a friend
-Work
-Dinner
-Walk my dog or attend an uJam fitness class at my gym
-Blog or study
-Time with the BF before he goes to work

Right now, this is my day:
-Wake up after six to seven hours of sleep
-RUSH around getting ready for work. I'm late every day. Drink coffee on commute to the office
-Work
-Lunch by myself. Either a packed lunch or Subway (occasional drive through) alone. Once every other week I will schedule lunch with a work friend
-Work
-Home to scrounge up dinner while the bf sleeps. If it's Monday, Wednesday or Thursday, I almost always go to UJam fitness. If it's not, I try to cook or just veg out
-Watch TV and wait for the BF to wake up to go to work
-Take BF to work
-Waste time on FB until I can fall asleep. I struggle with sleeplessness a lot.

The disconnect between my perfect day at my current day isn't a huge jump. It basically involves me taking ownership of what I want. I'm not sure why I can't do that for myself right now. Is it because I don't feel like I'm worth it? Is it because I'm constantly struggling with thoughts of dissatisfaction with myself and the way I'm unable to "get my weight under control"? I'm not sure! These are the things I'm stewing over these days.

All I can say for sure is that I really want to find the answer.