On the guidelines

Roth refers to "the guidelines" multiple times throughout the book, but doesn't list them until the final page. They seem so simple. Here they are:

1. Eat when you are hungry
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.
3. Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music.
4. Eat what your body wants.
5. Eat until you are satisfied.
6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.
7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

I'm  just beginning to wrap my mind around these guidelines. I'm only starting to consider them as I go about my day. Sometimes, I feel separated from my own self, willingly allowing the compulsive me to fall into my old ways of doing things. Like eating my lunch at my desk, reaching for my iphone while eating dinner, flipping through a magazine, engaging in the comfortable hand-to-mouth even though I know that I'm not hungry and that the food I'm eating will not satisfy me. 

When I make these mistakes engage in these old habits, I'm tempted to also fall into the destructive thinking as well. I immediately want to berate myself for my lack of willpower and my inability to make even the simplest of changes. 

But,

if I take just a second to look inside myself a bit more before going down that road, I recognize that the fact that I am aware is a huge step forward in itself. The fact that I am able to recognize my behavior is just one step away from stopping it altogether. I can remember multiple times today that I was able to stop myself from compulsive eating. The efforts I made to put down the magazine and concentrate on the act of eating. 

It's hard, but it's oh-so-freeing to regain control. To participate in my own life. To recognize the feelings that leave me reaching for food and to do whatever I can to avoid going down that path. Or, to allow myself to feel fiery frustration in my chest, that familiar swell and near-ache, without grabbing my car keys and racing out of the office to get an iced coffee.  It's small, but huge at the same time. It's the only way I can describe it. 

One last thought before I try to go to sleep:

On the long list of things I want for my life, I'm adding this:

I never again want to be a woman that kills herself at the gym for the sole purpose of burning x number of calories. 

I also never want to be a woman slinking off to the office kitchen before the potluck to mix the diet fad-of-the-month "shake" that produces miraculous results. 

I never want to go on another diet again. 

I don't want to be preachy about health and nutrition. 

I want to learn how to roller blade. 

That is all. 

Good night.